[MAGAZINE] THINGS RAPPERS SHOULDN'T DO - Viper
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[MAGAZINE] THINGS RAPPERS SHOULDN’T DO

FUNKMASTER FLEX WILL SOON JOIN PRETTY UNIQUE COMPANY, WHICH INCLUDES CHAMPAGNE BRAND “CRISTAL,” NBA SUPER-DUD DESHAWN STEVENSON AND QUEENSBRIDGE RAP DUO, MOBB DEEP.

You’re probably asking yourself how those characters could ever end up in the same sentence. Let me put you on… the outspoken New York City radio DJ/ human-loudspeaker/ambassador of Lugz driving boots (WTF is a driving boot?) has joined these ranks by committing career-suicide and challenging Jay Z.

You may know Jay Z from hit singles like ‘Ghetto Techno’ and ‘Hot Toddy’. He’s a famous rapper from that really hip, cool, self-sustainable neighbourhood they call Brooklyn. He’s made songs with famous people like Peedi Crakk and he’s married to the girl from Destiny’s Child – his life is really “phat.”

You may also know that going against him will (ironically) ether your whole entire existence. This brings us to the moral of the story – if there is one thing a rapper, or anyone else for that matter, shouldn’t do, it’s challenge the really-hard-to-beat, Jay Z. We should also note that this doesn’t just happen – one doesn’t just become invincible overnight. So this is the perfect opportunity to retrace those steps. Besides, who’s to say that this article isn’t the only thing stopping you from becoming the greatest rapper alive?

The monopoly on status and fear that is Jay Z’s brand actually started exactly where you think it did. Yup, it was the Nas beef. We all know the story: Nas takes a shot at Memphis Bleek, Memphis Bleek responds, Jay Z tells Memphis Bleek to kick rocks, Jay Z takes on feud for himself. The question is did anyone really “win?”

The answer is yes. Jay Z won, but not lyrically. He just won at life. You see, although Nas responded to Jay promptly and with tremendous lyrical firepower, Jay Z’s whole carefree swag mixed with ‘The Blueprint’’s amazing chart-success outweighed it. Rap battles of the past had become irrelevant. In fact, Jay Z was arguably the shift in that thought process. Before the Nas beef, rappers won duels because, well, they were better rappers. This was not only a changing of the guard in that sense, but also an indication to other rappers that no matter the skillset, there was no taking down the people’s champ.

This is why, whether you’re a rapper, NBA Player, Champagne company or washed-up radio DJ, you should NEVER challenge Mr. Carter. As the man himself once pondered, “What you want me to say? I’m sorry.”

This is an extract from the Spring Summer 15 Issue of Viper Magazine. Read more from the magazine here. Buy physical and digital copies here.

Words by Chris Mendez
Illustration by Eddie Ruxton

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